The vessel

Hello friend, it’s great meeting you!

I am Letitia Pienewald, a one-of-a-kind and down-to-earth kind of girl.  I should say lady as I’m in my 30’s already.  I was born and still live in beautiful South Africa, that is the southern tip of Africa.

I was raised by two very special people – parents they are called! – together with 3 other siblings.  One brother and two sisters, one being my twin.  Although life when growing up had a lot of good times and great memories I would be lying if I said pain-free and perfect.  If you live on planet earth the chances of being hurt and/or making the wrong decisions some time or another are pretty much guaranteed.

I’m very thankful that I can now look back and honestly say … the Lord was always there.  Even in the very disappointing times, also in the times when I truly felt … I am all alone.  In the times when fear had a very strong hold on my heart.

I’m not sure how you’ve handled or handle the pain you’ve gone through?  There are many ways.  Mine was building very high and thick walls around me, not allowing anyone in.  Although I’ve always been an outgoing person my deepest feelings and thoughts remained my own.  I never use to share my feelings.  I was a very good listener but could never get myself to truly open up and trust someone completely.

In 2008 something happened … something good!  Thank you Father-God!  Although I knew of God I never had a personal relationship with Him.  Opening my Bible – only when I went to church – was pretty much the norm.  Talk about a guilt-trip.  You know we sometimes talk about the Lord, knowing He is there – very, very high up! – and then we also still have this picture of God being an angry man, ready to give us a big hiding when and if we should trespass.  I don’t know why but we truly don’t grasp the big love Abba-Father has for us.  Perhaps because we know how very sinful we are in nature.

I started to really notice people … happy people.  In church.  Christians.  And it got to the point where I realised … I had to find out why so many people got really happy when they spoke about Jesus.  You could see it on their faces.  What did they know and have deep inside that I didn’t?  I had to find out for myself if what I have been taught to be the truth – since I was born – was indeed the truth.  I mean a person can’t just take something as truth and keep on believing – clinging to it – just because.  There is an eternity at stake. One must know that you know what you believe is the Truth.  One thing I heard from attending church, camps, etc. was …. draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).  What a promise!  I remember during teen-church-camps or special occasions at church sometimes having really special encounters with God.  Being filled with so much joy and happiness.  But then … 3 months or so later … it seemed to have vanished into thin air.  I could never understand.  I had to found out … was it real?  Was there more?  I had to find out.  I decided to commit myself to quiet time with the Lord … every morning … 5 ‘o clock … come what may … no matter what.

It’s hard to explain – I always say this to people – slowly but surely I became more and more aware of the presence of the Lord.  I started to hear Him in the singing of birds, the blue of the skies above.  Where I only really thought about the Lord whenever I went to church or someone spoke about Him I was now constantly aware of Him.  I knew He was with me 24 hours a day.  I could feel Him, not physically but still.  I knew.  Thank you Lord I can still say that to this day.  His presence has and will never leave me.  Amen!

As time went by and I read through my Bible and heard testimonies of other people I began to trust God more and more, little by little, step by step.  During prayer and worship times I started to open my heart in a way I never did before.  Inviting Him in, into all areas of my life, asking Him to fill me with more of Him.  Committing my heart and life – all – to Him.  Spending time with Him.  Regularly.

During 2011 the Lord really began to go deeper and deeper.  I could see how He was aiming for the hurt and pain buried deep inside of me.  It started to scare me.  Really.  I wasn’t sure I could deal with what He wanted to do.  I wasn’t sure that I did the right thing by giving Him the ‘green light’ to all of me.  But in my heart I knew where He came and got me – in the gutters of life.  Where nothing was perfect.  I use to be a bit ‘bossy’, controlling, manipulating at times.  See what a deep need for love and acceptance does?  I always tell people we have no idea just how far the Lord will go for a lost and broken soul.  It is truly untold.

It was in August 2011 that I got my new heart.  I often cried in the months prior to this.  Although I never understood it very well.  I couldn’t pin-point why.  I could hardly pick up my Bible, it was so tough to even pray during this time.  Although my head – the enemy for sure! – told me I wasn’t a ‘good child of God’ because I didn’t do what a good Christian should I always felt the Lord’s presence so close in this time.  To be honest I never felt Him that close.  Never.  It was like His compassion surrounded me.  His kindness embraced me.  His love was very near.  And I couldn’t understand.  Father why are You so close to me when I don’t do what I’m suppose to?  I just didn’t have the strength.  Being confronted with the pain from the past.  It’s not nice.  It makes you weak in the legs.  Seeing face to face what was done, what you have allowed.  It’s not nice.  Not at all.  It is during this period that I found the following verse to be so true … ‘The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.’ (Psalm 34:18).

I attended a conference with my twinsister.  On the Saturday the presenter talked about how we must take off the cloak of heaviness which the enemy so wants us to wear and exchange it for a robe of joy.  She gave us a few minutes to go into the garden and just spend a bit of time with the Lord.  As me and my sister walked out I was thinking to myself ‘I need to get away from her’ … I could feel the tears coming – from deep inside – and this time I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop.  My sister continued talking and we went to sit on a bench.  Suddenly I bursted into tears, crying uncontrollably.  I couldn’t help myself.  The tears came from a place deep within.  All the pain.  All the hurt.  Everything.  In case you’re wondering … tears are a beautiful thing.  When cried at the foot of the Cross one can never go wrong.  Truly.  There’s healing in every drop.  All of a sudden I heard the voice of my King and He said … ‘Ask for a new heart’.  I didn’t comprehend what that meant exactly, I just knew if it was going to fix what I was feeling inside I had to.  And I said … Father I need a new heart.  Please give me a new heart.

In words I can’t accurately describe what happened that day, I just know it was supernatural.  Praise God!  Since the beginning of my walk with God – relationship – He started to ‘peel’ me like an onion.  Layer by layer.  He didn’t go straight for the core, although He knew that was the goal.  He took it sooo slow.  He worked so tenderly.  He showed so much compassion and love.  Every step of the way.  My new heart was at the core.  From the day I got my new heart I could see how He then put everything back.  Layer by layer.  My personality with all the ‘abnormal defects’.  Who I am.  Who He made me to be.

Around the year 2010 Father-God put this desire in my heart.  Find out why you are here!  Find out why I’ve created you!  And that is exactly what I did … I asked Him to please show me.  And He took me on a journey … A journey Father-God called ‘preparation’.  He walked a road showing me how the ‘fleshly me’ must die.  What a lovely thing!  A daily thing for sure!  I remember one morning talking to the Lord about something that happened, something that really wasn’t nice and I said ‘Lord surely I deserve better than this. I know I can do better. I don’t have to take it.’ and He answered by showing me an image being carved out of rock, the unnecessary pieces being cut off saying ‘Dear child you asked Me to take away everything that was not from Me, that is all I’m doing.’ – speechless … that is the word.

At the end of 2012 the door opened.  I could hear the Father say ‘Now is the time.  Go live your calling!’.  He showed me the image of a wooden/wendy house we had in our garden when we were children.  At times I would clean it out and put all my writing and drawing tools in it, making it my private workspace.  I could hear Him say ‘Back then it was already there. I placed it in you. Don’t worry. I will give you what to write.’ … It hit home.  I took the step of faith and obedience and how faithful Father-God has been.  The words you read on this blog comes from the heart of God.  The verses Father gave me as another confirmation are found in the book of John, chapter 16:13-15.  Thank you Lord that I can be an instrument in Your hands.  By Your grace I can do what You have called me to do.  All glory and honour belong to you Jesus, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my Lord and Savior.  Thank you Holy Spirit.  Amen.

I would also like to assure you that hearing from God is something that also you can experience.  So so clearly.  He told me to share this with you.  About a year or two ago I was once again spending some time with Him and I asked Him … Lord how can it be?  How did You have this in store for me all the time?  Since the start?  And He answered yes My child, there is a specific purpose and plan with your life but I want you to tell My people hearing from Me, sitting on My lap this is something that also they can have.  I could so feel His warm invite to all.  He longs dear friend for you to come visit Him more often.  He also said that it was not only for a chosen few but for all that would be willing to ask for more.  See friend.  That’s the difference.  That’s all I did.  I asked for more of Him and I would love to encourage you to also do the same in the times you spend with Daddy-God.  Ask Him for more and o friend if you will stay committed to Him, steadfast in faith, you will see.

If your hearts are touched in a special way by a single word on this blog please join me in saying thank you Abba-God.

Thank you for being able to share dear friends.  May the Lord bless your hearts and may you grow in relationship with Father-God every day.  Through His Son Jesus Christ it is possible in every way!

Love always!

Letitia

‘I am only a worker employed by the Lord,
And great is my gladness and rich my reward
If I can just spread the wonderful story
That God is the answer to eternal glory…
Bringing new hope and comfort and cheer
Telling sad hearts there is nothing to fear,
And what greater joy can there be than to share
The love of God and the power of prayer?’

– Helen Steiner Rice

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